All the coaching and counseling techniques in the world couldn’t prevent me from being triggered. It doesn’t happen as much these days compared to several years ago, however, yep, yesterday I totally lost my cool…
From flat to upside down
Our natural core value integrity is only put to use, when it is beneficial on an individual level. Or so it seems. We rather make another wrong, or assume the worst, than to look into the mirror and examine our own behavior. The consciousness we developed as a species, and what makes us unique on this round ball, has lead to a misguided belief that it makes us human beings superior to everything else that lives.
Centuries ago, we learned that the earth is not flat, but a beautiful round ball. That shifted a lot of belief systems, was the start of a bunch of new theories and helped to evolve our species. Somehow, however, it appears that there are people who now believe in an upside down world.
Opinions, perspectives, assumptions
Of course, we all have the right to our own opinions, and it’s a given that we perceive our world and all happening upon it differently. What we tend to forget, is that we are not entitled to get agreement. I am not an exception to this. I catch myself from time to time expecting everyone to think exactly like me. Assuming that my fellow human neighbors believe in the same values as I do.
In my opinion, we are part of nature and that unique consciousness doesn’t place us above anything. I still find it unbelievable, that the colour of our skin, or the choice of partner is an excuse to harm another human being. In addition, although we are animals (and thus understandable, we have that instinct of survival of the fittest) our consciousness and core value should help distance ourselves from senseless violence.
Language
As human beings, just like other animals, we always will be triggered by something. We react to the change of seasons, the abundance or lack of food and various other matters which affect our being. Especially when we sense our existence is threatened, we will instinctively respond. Thanks to the way we did evolve, we have access to another tool and no longer have to be literally violent to defend our choice of lifestyle.
That’s why I usually advocate using words to make your point. As long as they are not intentionally harmful, the language we developed is a perfect tool to talk about our different opinions and perspectives. Instead of assuming the worst, we can ask for clarification about behavior and beliefs. We have the ability to choose how to respond and thus no longer to react thoughtlessly.
Yesterday I lost my cool
We are unique in our kind. Fortunately, because we do have the knowledge to treat our shared ball with respect. To use ancient wisdom and develop new ways to preserve the earth we all live upon, including for the non-human. We possess a consciousness and core value to remind ourselves we are part of nature, not superior to it.
At the same time, because we are ultimately still animals, we have a right to protect our own. As also our boundaries, both literally and metaphorically. That natural instinct to protect triggered me yesterday. I forgot all about the lessons learned, our core value, personal values, etc. and my emotions got the better of me.
Some will argue that that is what makes us human; being perfect in our imperfections. Be that as it may, it does not mean it is good practice. Turn into a growling mamma bear, to put it nicely, and losing sight of my communication skills is not my preferred way to go through life.
However, and hopefully a bit more civilized next time: cross my boundaries, attack my beloved ones, try to make me believe again our world is flat… I will lose my cool ; -)
15 Responses
It happens. I hope you’re not being too hard on yourself. Thank goodness you have self-awareness.
No worries. Thank goodness for aware people like yourself 😉
Sometimes it happens, nothing wrong with. Even if we have self-awarness, we stay human with alle mistakes, emotions and more, knowing we may imperfect within our perfection. Don’t be too hard on yourself, it would make more damage on your hart.
Thanks dear Joyce. However, I rather be a bit too hard on myself, than not learn from these kind of moments 😉
Things trigger us and that is bound to happen…its human nature. Its what helps us navigate through the minefield of stimuli and emotions on a daily basis. The fact that you reflected on that behavior and are creating an intention not to allow yourself to react like you did again, proves you are in the right space. Acknowledge the positive intention behind the outburst and next time you will be able to replace it will a more controlled response…:)
Absolutely, dear Sukeshi. Thanks for the support. XxX
Patty, I came to your article from LinkedIn and am so glad I did because lately I’ve been struggling with my triggers. I must admit I was curious because you never seem to lose your cool but then again maybe that’s part of this lesson. This right here: “we are part of nature and that unique consciousness doesn’t place us above anything” is striking and I agree with you. Brene Brown recently addressed how we descend into violence against one another through dehumanization and she talked about how shame also plays into this. Yes, as humans we share many commonalities and yet we seem to forget that each of our life’s experiences on this big ball are different and because of this we have different perspectives. You, dear Patty are such a beautiful soul who spreads kindness and compassion and yet given a perfect storm of events someone like you can and will be triggered. The difference is, you are aware and this awareness allows you to explore different ways of reacting going forward. ❤
Hi Stephanae! Glad it resonated and thank you for your warm words. I agree with Brene and part of me wanted to write this, because my experience is nothing to be ashamed of. As it isn’t for anyone else who loses his/her cool, since, we all do sometimes. The main message, however, is indeed about being/becoming aware of one’s own behavior.
Sending a big hug across the pond. XxX
We’re only human… is the song that pops up in my mind dear Patty… even mother Theresa somethimes lost her cool… and sometimes it’s even necessary. And when you can look at it with love…as you do… it’s more than oké.
take care xx
Thanks, dear Helena. As long as we don’t use our humanity as an excuse 😉 Hugs! XxX
Wow, I have no more words to add to all the beautifull comments on this honest blogpost. So good of you to reflect on what happened… and share it here! It happens to all of us, at times. And there are lessons to be learned, from each and every experience like this. Right now, I am reading a lot about Non Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Wise lessons too. How to better communicate with others, but also with ourselves… trying this out a lot now! <3 The world needs more non-violent communication right now…
Couldn’t agree more, dear Anuscka. Will put Mr. Rosenberg definitely on my list. XxX
Hello Patty, this situation is never easy. When such a scenario happens to us, we turn to each other and say: “do you know where the duct tape is, I need to use it,” or we say to the party concerned: “I don’t know about that but I am sure wine is good!” 😂 Perhaps the best strategy we use is “what makes you say that?”
At the end of the day we are human, and for reasonable people it’s normal to have a little outburst (rant) every now and then. It makes the world stop and take notice. It’s also natural for reasonable people to reflect on what happened and whether they can be constructive next time such a situation happens.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sean. Humor can indeed be a great tool to reduce the tension during such a situation, or have a good laugh afterwards. Life is serious enough, as it is 😉