Unconditional positive regard and intentions. Unconditional. Positive regard, acceptance, love. It has been quite a while that my own brain-threads prevented me from falling asleep. Normally a breathing technique, combined with focusing on one thought (‘do not think’), does the trick. However, this week, some evenings, I found it difficult to embrace the much-needed sleep.
There is a reason for everything, I am a firm believer of this. Writing down my thoughts is my plan B, if the above described technique doesn’t work. So, yeah… unconditional positive regard, this concept has been on my mind a lot again.
People don’t have bad intentions. For a long time during my life, I thought there were people who do have bad intentions. However, if you would step away from your own perceptions, opinions and belief-systems and ask a person to explain him or herself… That person is coming from a place of good intention, according to his/her perception, opinions and belief-systems.
As hard as it is to grasp, even people who deliberately harm other living creatures do so from a place of good intentions.
For me there has always been a difference between judging and condemning people. We all judge. Period. Without it, we wouldn’t even exist today, because it’s one of our most important survival skills. Being able to judge if a situation, environment, even a person is dangerous, we need this today as much as we did centuries ago.
Condemning a person, group of people, organisation, company, etc. on the other hand, has nothing to do with protecting yourself. To me it is fulfilling the need to blame someone else for something we can’t change, solve or don’t like about ourselves. It must be the fault of that person, due to that religion, thus… The person is bad, the system is evil.
Could it be that we all have good intentions, the system isn’t broken after all?
Many of our neighbors are frustrated, even angry, that there has been raised a large amount of money to rebuild the Notre Dame in Paris, France. What about all those people, children, dying every day on our globe? Is a building more important?
If someone would answer the second question with ‘yes’, I too would question his/her ethical values. At the same time, assuming those who contributed to rebuilding the Notre-Dame don’t care about all the other problems our globe and we as their neighbors have to deal with:
How do you KNOW that is true?
It’s just an example and currently on my mind, because it recently happened. It is so easy to make assumptions and even worse, condemn the intentions of another. I am not a saint either and I have to remind myself too, to keep checking the facts and seek understanding for that what seems to be unfair.
Pointing fingers without checking the facts thoroughly, has become a normality. Judging is one of our most survival skills, but let’s not forget other unique abilities we as human beings possess: conscience and curiosity.
We are, as far as is known today, the only living creatures that knows they know. This conscience provides us the ability to judge and to condemn. It also gives us the option to think for ourselves. Curiosity does not kill the cat, if you come from a place of integrity and good intentions.
Yes, the balance is disturbed.
Our ability to think for ourselves, to make up our own minds, is a skill that has become overshadowed by fear. We aren’t as tolerant as we claim to be and anyone who doesn’t follow mainstream opinions, thinks different, hence even looks different is at risk being condemned. Sharing what’s on your mind, talk about your belief-system has become quite scary these days.
The responsibility, as human beings, for our actions and values as integrity, sincerity and congruence appear to be transferred to the rich and famous, the politicians, the multi-nationals. The so-called one percent getting wealthier, having all the power leading the rest of us into the abyss.
Small problems, large problems, both need to be addressed. Better solutions have to be found for the sake of OUR globe. However. I am grateful there are wealthy people stepping up and contribute to re-build destroyed buildings, investing their money in setting up schools and programs in parts of our world who don’t have the resources to do so. Developing techniques enabling to feed all of us. Rich neighbors spending their gained income to seek for solutions to preserve nature, the source of life, we all depend on.
Human beings, just like you and me, providing for their families. Based on good intentions, trying to do what they perceive is the right path to walk on, for our big Dreampack.
The perfect way does not exist.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not naive and thus aware there are greedy, nasty people among us. Neighbors who are literally or metaphorically stabbing others in the back. Persons who claim to be integer and honest and intentionally do harm. Not as open-minded as you believed they are.
Reading this article, you are probably one of the ninety-nine percent not unimaginable rich or powerful. Does it mean you are less imperfect? Is your way the perfect way?
Unconditional positive regard
We are all imperfect, doing our best. Based on the knowledge provided to us. It is our own responsibility to step up, educate ourselves, seek understanding of that what we don’t grasp. We all want to be heard, we all want to be loved. May I invite you to look into the mirror? How clean is your conscience? Are you really that open-minded and tolerant?
Your truth doesn’t have to be mine and vice versa. We don’t even have an obligation to explain our behavior or our intentions. Instead of denying our conscience, choose the easy way of condemnation… Maybe we can decide to approach our neighbors with unconditional positive regard.