I am living a good life, why am I not happy?

I am living a good life, why am I not happy? A question many people seem to struggle with. A loving family surrounding you, close friends and enough resources to lead a prosperous life. Wonderful reasons to thrive, to be grateful for, yet burn-outs and even depression increase by the day.

Happiness is a mindset.

We believe the conditions of life must change in order for us to feel the way we want. Everything you want, is because you believe that if you have it, or experience it, or achieve it, you’re going to feel the way you want: Happy.

However, this belief-system is inherited, passed on by our ancestors: A belief-system that might even lead to addiction of drama. Negative emotions can become addictive patterns. The more you NEED to be happy, the more problematic it will be.

We can choose our emotions.

We can choose to feel good now, to focus on the positive, to be grateful, to stop a conversation, to stop watching something, to leave a situation. Or choose to be sad, to grieve, to have a bad day, to eat junk food, to be realistic. We can choose to live a certain way, to embrace both positives AND limitations.

Feelings are not who we are.

We are NOT unhappiness, NOT our experiences of unhappiness or frustration. Be grateful, choose to live on purpose, to contribute to your community. It is OK to seek happiness and joy. In addition, it is also OK to be sad after losing a loved one. To feel frustrated when a plan doesn’t go exactly as planned. It is OK to treat yourself to a bowl of ice-cream after a tough day at the office.

Live in the now.

It will take time to change your mindset. It is an ongoing progress of growth. Building trust in your own abilities, qualities, won’t happen overnight. We all have a story to tell, we all get blocks thrown on our path. Don’t forget when you experience something it happens NOW. At that very moment, you have a CHOICE to feel good or to feel bad.

Accept what is.

At times good is good enough. Sometimes a good cry is what we need. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, don’t dwell for too long over something you can’t change either. Acceptance doesn’t mean you give up, give in, or say it is OK. Acceptance is acknowledging what is. There is no sense in fighting what is.

Don’t let anyone define what happiness means to you. Believe you do have control of your thoughts and thus emotions. BE happy, because you CHOOSE to be. NOT because you NEED to be.

Patty Wolters

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