Is it fear of failure or success, laziness, ignorance, getting too comfortable, the need of validation, or something else that make people not climbing over the wall of resistance, or when needed, break it down completely? We hope the Skilled Helpers’ unique perspectives provide you, once again, valuable insights…
The Skilled Helpers Collaborative
The Skilled Helpers Collaborative is an initiative aiming to bring meaningful content to you. Various skilled helpers from different backgrounds sharing their perspectives regarding a specific topic. They don’t get to read each other’s contribution before publication and thus don’t influence each other to make sure, you as a reader can enjoy a variety of insights.
It is very possible to notice resistance on a daily base, on a personal or professional level. These days, many may feel some sort of resistance against politicians, multinationals, religious leaders. scientists, educators, caregivers, parents… Against anyone with some form of authority.
Perhaps it did become part of our human nature to look for a scapegoat, enabling us to blame anyone but ourselves in order to deal with the root cause of the feelings of resistance.
Personally, I have felt resistance in many areas of my life for several weeks. The chores returning on a daily base, blah. The return of the cold and rainy days, yak. Opening up my laptop, to be bombarded (pun intended) with another devastating message regarding what’s happening around our world, horrifying.
I know, it is not easy to take a good look in the mirror and take personal responsibility, owning up to the fact that most feelings of resistance are due to our own doing and choices we made.
Thanks to science, we now know that those daily return chores keep us healthy. It is not the fault of the weather-person that there is a natural rotation of seasons. Many decisions made by authority figures are for sure questionable, at the same time, there is so much that can be done for the better on a personal level.
Today, the Skilled Helpers Collaborative share their unique perspectives about the invisible wall between today and the future, stagnation and growth, knowing better and doing better. In other words; resistance.
Like every month this far, I gained some new insights and practical tools. The perspectives of my peers always remind me not being alone in these kind of struggles. Answering Bernard’s question is truly helpful 😉 I hope you too can benefit from the shared collective meaningful content.
Read the articles below and if it resonates, let us know by leaving a comment. Feel free to share your insights too! Don’t hesitate to Connect with one of the Skilled Helpers, in case you could use guidance.
Enjoy your weekend !
Patty Wolters – Skilled Helper – www.pattywolters.com
Facts don’t matter
by Rika Cossey
“… and that’s how you win local elections.” the speaker concluded. I started clapping. It had been a good presentation and I liked the ideas but I needed some time to think through them. I was ready to leave and started gathering my things to leave the room. The person in front of me thought differently obviously because they raised their hand. “But don’t we also need to tell them the facts?” they asked. I rolled my eyes. Part of me expected that question from a room full of middle-aged and older listeners. Maybe I had heard the line of argument too often in my work but I was almost ready to intervene: “No, no one cares about facts if they don’t like the person presenting them,” I whispered to myself.
Convincing people of your position using a string of facts doesn’t work. We’re not wired that way. We think we are and expect the world around us to see the world as we do but, ultimately, we don’t share the same worldview. When we are presented with facts about a situation, we tend to interpret those facts in different ways.
Just take this example: children should eat vegetables daily. If you have kids, you will know that this fact is far from reality (and if your kids eat their vegetables without pretend vomiting, screaming, or threats of starving themselves to death – you’re the exception). I don’t know any parent who sat their children down for a lecture that would go something like this: “You need to eat your vegetables because they contain the vitamins your body needs to grow.
Vegetables also help with regular bowel movements, healthy looking hair and skin, and they reduce your cravings for chips and pasta.” Although those are all facts, children have a sense of calling out the presenter of such information. In short, they don’t buy it even though the information is correct. Maybe they respond with something like this: “You don’t eat your vegetables either.” Ultimately, though, getting children to eat their vegetables is not a matter of facts but a matter of trusting the person in front of them.
As human beings, we have an instinct that guides us in our beliefs. If we like the person presenting new ideas, we listen. If we don’t like them, we tend to shut down the person as well as the ideas. It’s not personal but we do it regardless. And the same goes for whatever medium that presents new ideas: websites, news outlets, podcasts.
If we like the layout, the style of writing, the pictures, or the voices, we listen. If we don’t, we don’t just not listen but we also find ways to discredit the arguments. “They weren’t transparent with their sources.” (an important argument, by the way, but only if applied equally to all sources) “They presented stories as if the whole world worked that way” (again, an unimportant way to check information but only if we apply the same measure to all news) “They tried to appeal to my emotions with the picture.” (which is also important insight for any reader).
All these arguments don’t say anything about the validity of the argument presented. It’s rather a way of justifying why we listen or not.
In personal conversations or presentations, a string of facts can reveal our biases even more. If we like the look of the person, we listen, question and engage with their knowledge. The same goes the other way, however. In those cases, we can shut down or try to convince the other party of our side of the argument. And if two strings of facts collide, the change for mutual understanding is lost.
In personal conversations or presentations, a string of facts can reveal our biases even more. If we like the look of the person, we listen, question and engage with their knowledge. The same goes the other way, however. In those cases, we can shut down or try to convince the other party of our side of the argument. And if two strings of facts collide, the change for mutual understanding is lost.
The presenter in the seminar was very patient with the person in front of me asking the question. I had settled back in my chair and had started thinking about lunch. I wasn’t even paying attention to the answer. I had made a judgment of the person asking when I sat down 45 min ago and they had just confirmed it. The presenter, I liked them and agreed with their arguments. There was nothing I needed to clarify. It was a simple equation for me. And, I guess, it was that simple because of everything in between. I had heard the arguments against “convincing by facts” before from a source I also trusted. I liked the way the presenter stood in the room. The presentation, although PowerPoint, didn’t contain too much text.
There wasn’t much to question from my side – unless I would go back to questioning my entire reason for trusting the fact that facts don’t convince people to make a decision.
Connect with Rika Cossey, Climate Emotions Coach @ www.rikacossey.com
Resistance is Useless!
by Bernard Kates
When I hear the word “resistance” I can’t help remembering the scene from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy in which the hapless Arthur Dent and his friend Ford Prefect are about to be thrown out of the airlock of a Vogon spaceship by a large, green alien. Ford and Arthur struggle but the alien is too strong for them.
“Resistance is useless!” he bellows, as he bundles them into the airlock and slams the door. A few seconds later they are ejected into the vacuum of space, where in all probability they will asphyxiate in about 30 seconds. That’s the sort of thing that can really ruin your day*.
Resisting change, as many people often do, is equally futile. Life is change, so you might as well accept the inevitable and go with the flow; or, even better, become an agent of change yourself and actively seek to make change happen: the change you want rather than the change someone else wants to impose on you.
If you’re on the path of personal development, pursuing your own great vision for your life, just about everything you do will involve change of some kind.
Why Do We Resist Change?
As we just said, change is inevitable, yet when it arrives at our door, we often act like it’s the last thing we wanted. Whether it’s a shift in work processes, adopting new technologies or personal changes like a lifestyle overhaul, resistance to change is incredibly common. Why is that? Why do we, as humans, seem wired to hold on to what’s familiar, even when we know that change might be beneficial?
Let’s dig into what lies at the heart of our resistance to change and, more importantly, how we can work through it.
The Comfort of the Familiar
One of the primary reasons we resist change is simple: we’re comfortable. Familiarity gives us a sense of control, and even if a situation isn’t perfect, we often find ourselves thinking, “Well, at least I know what to expect.” Change introduces uncertainty, and as creatures of habit, our brains aren’t exactly keen on that.
Think about it. How often have you chosen a restaurant you’ve been to a dozen times over trying a new one? It’s not that the new restaurant might be bad; it’s just that the familiar one doesn’t pose any surprises. This tendency applies to more significant areas of life as well: our jobs, relationships, even our personal routines.
Fear of the Unknown
Another big reason we resist change is fear of the unknown. When we don’t know what lies ahead, our brains start filling in the gaps, and they’re not always filled with positive scenarios. What if the new system at work makes my job harder? What if changing my lifestyle makes me feel like a failure? What if…?
This “what if” thinking can become a vicious cycle, where fear builds upon fear, making us more resistant to taking any steps forward. The irony is that the worst-case scenarios we imagine often don’t come true, but our fear keeps us stuck in place, just in case they do.
Past Experiences Colour Our View
If we’ve been through a difficult change in the past, it can shape how we react to new changes. Maybe a previous reorganisation at work left you feeling undervalued, or a failed business venture affected your confidence. Past experiences, especially painful ones, have a way of sticking around and influencing how we view new challenges.
While this reaction is natural, it’s also important to recognise when it’s holding us back. Change is not inherently bad just because it didn’t work out last time. Yet, we often carry these past stories with us like baggage, dragging them into situations where they no longer belong.
The Illusion of Control
Change can feel like we’re losing control over our lives, and for many, this is a terrifying prospect. Humans have a deep need to feel that we’re in charge of our destiny. When changes are imposed on us, like a restructuring at work or a shift in economic circumstances, it can feel as though our agency is being stripped away.
But here’s the thing: resisting change doesn’t make it go away. Instead, we end up expending energy on a futile attempt to “hold the line,” when we could be using that same energy to adapt, respond and maybe even flourish under the new circumstances.
Change Doesn’t Have to be an Obstacle
What if, instead of viewing change as a threat, we saw it as a challenge? It’s a subtle shift, but one that can make all the difference. By rethinking change as an opportunity to learn or grow, we start reclaiming a sense of control. After all, when we actively engage with change, we’re no longer passive participants; we’re drivers.
Small steps can make this shift easier. Begin by tackling manageable changes, testing the waters in a way that doesn’t feel overwhelming. You don’t need to completely overhaul your life overnight. Experiment with little changes. Maybe it’s a new way of working, a different approach to problem-solving, or even just breaking a small habit.
Every time you do, you’re building a bit of resilience and proving to yourself that change isn’t so bad after all.
Always remember that change brings opportunities, so look out for them and don’t hesitate to exploit them.
Staying Curious
One of the best ways to manage resistance to change is to stay curious. When we approach change with a sense of curiosity rather than dread, it becomes less intimidating. Ask yourself, “What might I learn from this? What opportunities could this bring?” Adopting a curious mindset turns the unknown into something that’s a bit more inviting, maybe even exciting.
One More Thing
If you’re working on your own personal development, taking control of your life and making plenty of changes along the way, you may find that those closest to you – your colleagues, friends, family and especially your nearest and dearest – will resist the changes you want to make, for all the reasons we just mentioned. They’re used to you as you were, and the newly confident, independent, assertive you might make them feel uncomfortable.
You’ll need to be prepared for that and have a strategy in place to help deal with it. If those closest to you actively resist your efforts to change, it will make your journey so much harder. If, on the other hand, you can recruit them to your cause so that they fully support you and encourage you, it’s much more likely that you will succeed.
What’s Really Holding You Back?
At the end of the day, resistance to change is rarely about the change itself. Often, it’s about the fear, the stories we tell ourselves, or the sense of control we’re worried about losing. The key is recognising these barriers for what they are: mental hurdles that we can overcome.
So, the next time you find yourself resisting change, pause and ask: What am I actually afraid of here? And more importantly, what could I gain if I gave this change a chance?
Thought-provoking Question
What’s one change you’ve been resisting lately, and what’s really stopping you from embracing it?
Connect with Bernard Kates, Transformational Leadership Coach and Mentor @ www.bernardkates.com
*Spoiler alert: In the vacuum of deep space, Arthur and Ford expect to asphyxiate within 30 seconds. However, by an amazing and almost infinitely improbable stroke of luck, 29 seconds later they are rescued. If you would like to know why, how and by whom, you’ll need to get hold of a copy of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams.
Overcoming Resistance: How to Adjust and Thrive in the Return to Office Life
by Kally Tay
After months (or even years) of working from the comfort of home, returning to office life is stirring up resistance among employees. Many professionals have become accustomed to the perks of remote work—like zero commute, flexible scheduling, and a personalized workspace—and the thought of returning to an office can feel daunting. However, while the return may be challenging, there are ways to ease the transition and make adjustments that help mentally and practically.
Understanding the Resistance: Why Are Employees Reluctant to Return?
- Loss of Flexibility: Remote work allowed employees to manage their time in ways that suit their productivity and personal lives. Returning to a more rigid schedule can feel limiting and frustrating.
- Commute Stress: Commuting, whether by car or public transportation, is a stressor many are glad to leave behind. Adding an hour or more to the workday can feel overwhelming and exhausting.
- Health Concerns: With ongoing concerns about COVID-19 and other illnesses, some employees are reluctant to return to shared spaces, particularly if safety measures need to be clarified or unenforced.
- Family and Home Life Balance: Many employees took on new roles at home, from increased caregiving to homeschooling. These responsibilities may now feel more challenging to juggle with an in-office schedule.
Tips for a Smoother Transition Back to the Office
Though the shift back to on-site work can feel challenging, there are ways to help manage the transition. Here are some practical tips for employees re-entering office life.
- Ease into a Routine Gradually
Start preparing for your new schedule a week or two before you return to the office. Try going to bed and waking up when needed for your new commute, and gradually add morning tasks to simulate the office routine. Slowly reintroducing these habits will make the transition feel more relaxed.
- Prioritize Self-Care and Boundaries
Returning to the office means you’re likely reintroducing more social interactions and physical activity into your day. This adjustment can be mentally and physically taxing, so practising self-care is critical. Prioritize rest, maintain a balanced diet, and find moments to recharge, whether through a quick walk, meditation, or quiet time at home. Set boundaries where you can, such as keeping set working hours to avoid burnout.
- Streamline Your Commute
The return of commuting can be manageable. Make your commute as pleasant and productive as possible by integrating minor adjustments. Consider using noise-cancelling headphones, listening to a favourite podcast, or using public transit time to read or unwind. Even minor adjustments, like carpooling to reduce driving time or switching up your route, can make a big difference.
- Create a Work-Life Integration Plan
Discuss options for a hybrid schedule if available. Balancing some days in-office and others at home may allow you to keep the best of both worlds. Set realistic expectations for family members, friends, and coworkers about your availability and create a clear work-life integration plan that allows you to fulfil both work and personal responsibilities.
- Redesign Your Workspace to Feel Personal and Comfortable
If you enjoyed your home office setup, try recreating elements of it in your office space. Bring in a small plant, a photo, or items that make your home office more inviting. These personal touches can make your workspace more comfortable and help ease the adjustment.
- Address and Acknowledge Anxiety or Frustration
Feelings of frustration or even anxiety about returning to the office are valid. Openly acknowledging these emotions is essential. Consider talking to a supervisor about your concerns or, if available, accessing mental health resources at work. Many organizations are open to supporting employees during this transition and can help provide accommodations.
- Focus on the Positives
While the return may come with adjustments, there can also be benefits, like reconnecting with coworkers in person, accessing resources you may not have at home, or the more explicit boundaries between work and home. Embrace these positives, as they can help you stay motivated and may even bring new satisfaction to your work.
Embracing the Hybrid Future
While returning to the office can be daunting after working remotely for so long, it can also provide opportunities for growth and reconnection. Many organizations are evolving toward hybrid models that merge the benefits of both remote and on-site work.
Remember, the transition back to the office doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing experience. By incorporating small changes, setting boundaries, and finding support, you can navigate the return to office life in a way that aligns with personal well-being and professional success. Embracing change with an open mind can transform this adjustment period into a positive new chapter. Be open to the possibilities that this change can bring.
Connect with Kally Tay, Freelance Expert @ www.middleme.net
Resistance Gives Way to Progress
by Claire Rajan
Imagine that along life’s journey, there are three roads (ways): Pain, Pleasure, and Progress.
The first road represents Pain. This road includes avoidable struggles, disappointments, needless suffering, unnecessary challenges, and pointless life experiences. None of these offer freedom or relief from life’s burdens. Along this road, people have to meet many expectations and obligations that restrict freedom of existence. Meeting undue expectations of others becomes necessary even when it does not serve the well-being of an individual.
The second road represents Pleasure. This road includes fleeting joys, shiny object syndromes, and cravings for possessions and things that can keep us happy for a while—addictions that offer pleasure, graspings that grow endlessly, and enjoyments that leave us wanting more. The need for pleasure is endless and, consequently, leaves an individual dissatisfied and unhappy.
The third road represents Progress. This road includes adventure and possibility. It engages one’s quest for authenticity, meaning, and true freedom in knowing one’s true nature. While being a part of all that is, this true nature is also free to be differentiated, individuated, and interdependent. Walking on this road requires courage. A satisfying promise of experiencing the richness of one’s journey becomes available, one that can lead to an inner state of bliss.
The three roads are available to each of us at any given time.
The first two do not lead to bliss or a deeper relationship with oneself. The third is challenging and lonesome but offers a beneficial depth.
We unconsciously walk the first two roads at any moment and are conditioned to do so.
The road of progress is traversed when we face our internal resistance and willingly walk it. The foremost challenge in walking this road is that dealing with our internal resistance can be scary, tedious, time-consuming, and physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting.
We are so unique in our being that it isn’t easy to assess how and to what extent we know ourselves. An ongoing practice of deep personal inquiry into one’s existence and psychological makeup may give insights into personal resistance.
When we take the time to consider ourselves as more than simply who we think we are, we open inner doorways to a more profound awareness of how we think, feel, and navigate the world. We can then begin to observe and address our resistance, which reduces over time as we remain open and willing to face it.
From my experience, this opportunity to lower internal resistance occurs when we pay keen attention to ourselves in everyday life experiences. Our experiences offer us a chance to tackle the resistance. It involves slowing down and looking more closely at our actions, reactions, and interactions. These are things that we might overlook by living on autopilot or moving too fast. Constant practice of both reflective and reflexive thought is helpful here. This back-end re-consideration of our actions becomes the platform I often call “Awareness.”
The more awareness we bring into our daily lives, the more resistance falls away. In doing so, we regain the strength that was once held within the resistance we had, and we stay motivated in walking the path of Progress. Although this journey may be very long, the promise of “Ultimate Bliss” is worth aspiring for.
Connect with Claire Rajan, Life Coach & Enneagram Coach via wisdomrocks22 @ gmail.com
2 Responses
Thanks for sharing dear Patty!! Great to see the latest edition of your collaboration!
Hope all is well at your end. Am heading to Dublin on Tuesday morning. More later…
Love & hugs Sukeshi
Thank you for the continuous support, dear Sukeshi! Save travels, we’ll Connect soon again.
Hugs, XxX