Eeks! As a woman who loves the sun, its warmth and light, it is a troubling awareness longing for the darkness again. Does this mean I am mentally ill?
Winter around the corner
Over here, the fall has started, although we still have pretty warm days for this time of year. Some rainy days, but overall sunshine and normally that boosts my soul and energy. However, since mid-summer I seem to exist in a flow of low energy, emotionally all over the place and the things I normally enjoy don’t excite me as much as usual.
During my daily tasks and thus also taking care of the garden, I observed that nature is preparing for winter. Daylight is decreasing each day with a few minutes and soon we will spend more time in darkness. The months to rest, re-energize and look forward to new life and beginnings are around the corner.
Depression or burnout
While I used to dread those months of darkness with less sunshine and cold temperatures, this year I find myself longing for it again. When your moods are rollercoasting all over the place, your energy is low and you have a hard time to light your own sparkle, depression or burnout comes to mind. Especially when you experience this for more than two to three weeks in a row.
Eeks, am I mentally ill?
That question, being a skilled helper, started to increasingly move around in my mind. Of course, I should not diagnose myself, however, reflecting upon my own behavior will not harm either. Because if mentally ill, it is so important to acknowledge it and take the scary first step to seek help.
Reflection
There is a difference between being depri and being depressed. As also between temporarily fatigue and burnout. I could sum up all the symptoms and thus differences, but let me just write about how I know I am not experiencing either one of the two.
I have my moments, but have no problems of getting up in the morning, taking care of my beloved ones and enjoy the shower. No loss of appetite, or urge to eat more. Sleep is not as good as I would like, however, that is more about the length and not about insomnia. Trust me, I am still a sleep monster.
Some projects don’t excite me in comparison to a few months ago, still I have the energy to throw myself in new ones and I feel a sparkle inside while working on them. Most importantly; my husband hasn’t sent me to a doctor and I trust his judgment with my life.
Being Human
Due to all my knowledge and experiences gained over the years, I make sure not too quickly put a label on someone. Therefore, I certainly will not put one on myself that easily. Yes, I should stay alert to not spiral down and that’s why I made sure another trustee besides my husband is alert too. Both know me best and won’t hesitate to be honest with me.
Fortunately, I can conclude after talking to these beloved ones, I am a woman who adores the sun, a person with emotions, dealing with some tough cookies that life throws. Sometimes, I need to be reminded again we are part of nature and we too, humans, should take time to rest and re-energize during the dark months.
Longing for darkness can mean that you are just human ; -)
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What’s right for me may not be right for you! You are and will remain responsible for your own health, your own well-being, your own environment. When in doubt about your physical and / or mental health, about your life, about specific food choices, or that of your pet… A doctor, specialist, dietitian, nutritionist, therapist, vet or other caregiver may remove your doubts.
3 Responses
💜 Maybe bitten by a vampire while sleeping SupaSoulSis; vampire bats produce saliva that anaesthetise skin
…💛💚💙…
I love the darkness, too. Everything about Fall/Autumn (it’s my favourite season). Yet, at the same time, I take extra vitamins to help me get through my seasonal depression. I now know I am not depressed, but the lack of sunshine makes me moody and grumpy. However, everything else that’s happening makes my heart jump with joy. The colours of the leaves, the trees, the smell, the whole ambience of Autumn… I am extremely happy until sunset, lol.
It’s good to know these things about yourself and to reflect when you change. Maybe it’s not a bad thing, the longing for darkness, but merely a sign of growth within you.